I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize