you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
