I smell stomach acid.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
