i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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