I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
