No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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