I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
