Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize