I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
