dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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