i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
