come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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