Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
