Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
