i need an iv and a liver transplant
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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