i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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