Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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