you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
