Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
