Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
