i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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