Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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