Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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