He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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