Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
