so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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