Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
