today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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