Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
