i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
