I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
