haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
