Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
