almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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