Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
