I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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