Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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