it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
