so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
