She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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