I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize