Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
