its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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