So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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