you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
