i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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