I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
