I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
