She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
