Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
