I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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