Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
