so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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