Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
