He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
