just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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