so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
