there was a trapeze. enough said
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
