I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and she was petting her beer can
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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