She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Panties = found
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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