So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
