dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
