so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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