I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
