i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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