the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
