I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
