Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have post one night stand depression
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