you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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