It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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