Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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