So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
