They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
