Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize