I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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