I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
