after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
