so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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